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Martial Arts FunniesAny funny martial arts jokes or stories....
Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up-- Jack Bauer and MacGyver.
MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.
There are some Chuck Norris Jokes that are just plain stupid.
There are some Chuck Norris Jokes that are just plain stupid.
If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it out of you.
__________________ "An eye for an eye only blinds the world." - Ghandi
"Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein
"Without deviation from the norm progress is not possible." - Frank Zappa
It's a little known fact that Chuck Norris's two-year-old labrador retriever trained himself to use a pooper scooper and remove his own waste when necessary. The reason - Chuck Norris doesn't take sh*t from anyone ... ever.
__________________ "An eye for an eye only blinds the world." - Ghandi
"Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein
"Without deviation from the norm progress is not possible." - Frank Zappa
__________________ "An eye for an eye only blinds the world." - Ghandi
"Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein
"Without deviation from the norm progress is not possible." - Frank Zappa
Chuck Norris doesn't cut his lawn, he just stares at the grass and dares it to grow
Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he just stares them down till he gets the information he wants
Chuck Norris counted to infinity... twice
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
Chuck Norris once played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun, and won.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
I love Chuck Norris jokes
__________________
"Using martial art to gain undue influence over others is a sin of the lowest type."
Look! I'm a bush!
Bush bush bush bush bush bush bush bush bush
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
-What was going through the minds of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
-Chuck Norris once showed up at Google and demanded that they rename their search engine "Chuck Norris." When they refused, Chuck roundhouse kicked Google in the face, transforming it's bruised remains into Google Dark.
-Chuck Norris affects the price of stock quotes and land values. Wherever he is, prices drop due to the danger of a sudden catastrophe. He bought his own home for 30 cents and one roundhouse kick.
Since Chuck Norris jokes are extremely popular here at the high school that I work at, I thought I'd start a thread with some I've heard and see what you guys can add:
1. There's no chin under Chuck Norris' beard. There's just another fist.
2. Chuck Norris visited the U.S. Virgin Islands. Now they're just 'the Islands.'
3. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
4. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
5. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
Chuck Norris once ate a bowl of baby turtles alive. The next day he sh!t out what is now known as...The Ninja Turtles. Coincidentally Splinter eats Chuck Norris's trash.
Best Chuck Norris Jokes
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