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Martial Arts FunniesAny funny martial arts jokes or stories....
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
__________________
I'm a shark, the ground game is my ocean. And most people don't know how to swim. Oh yeah and I can knock you out too
Everything I know in life, I learned from watching the Fall Guy.
__________________ "An eye for an eye only blinds the world." - Ghandi
"Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein
"Without deviation from the norm progress is not possible." - Frank Zappa
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
# Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1/2CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 trillion words.
Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he pees
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
Chuck Norris CAN touch this
__________________
"Using martial art to gain undue influence over others is a sin of the lowest type."
Look! I'm a bush!
Bush bush bush bush bush bush bush bush bush
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
In August 2005 Mr. T, Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris went shark fishing 845 miles east of Bermuda and 1,139 miles west of the Azores Islands. After finishing off 10 kegs of Milwaukees Best and 2 barbequed tiger sharks Mr.T asked Vin Diesel to pull his finger. At the exact moment that Vin Diesel pulled Mr. T's finger Chuck Norris round house kicked Mr. T in the stomach "for fun". The resulting flatulence refered to by most as "Hurricane Katrina" has cost over $1.13 billion so far and almost destroyed New Orleans. To help aliviate his conscious Chuck will provide free "Roundhouse Kick" seminars to the hurricane victims. As for Mr. T he will simply pity the fools.
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Chuck Norris is going to walk.
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
The last man who made eye contact with Chuck Norris was Ray Charles.
Chuck Norris scared the black out of Michael Jackson.
Chuck Norris is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, Chuck Norris ate Kobayashi.
Chuck Norris has beat the sh*t out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a
laxative.
Chuck Norris invented orphans.
__________________
I'm a shark, the ground game is my ocean. And most people don't know how to swim. Oh yeah and I can knock you out too
Everything I know in life, I learned from watching the Fall Guy.
Forrest Griffin is a thief, plain and simple.
Last edited by TRIANGLEFROMGAURD; 04-21-2008 at 03:31 PM.
Reason: sd
When Bruce lee pulled of Xhuck's hair in Return of the Dragon, people on the set used it as steel wool pads to clean equipment. Even his sweat in the hair was a powerful cleaning agent.
__________________ What do I know? Since I didn't post my styles or experience, I have no experience, no knowledge, no say.
That post before mine, was that for post counting? How about the one after?
Hey, my post count has the same palaverment tone as anyone elses'
When Bruce lee pulled of Xhuck's hair in Return of the Dragon, people on the set used it as steel wool pads to clean equipment. Even his sweat in the hair was a powerful cleaning agent.
Most people don't realize that Return of the Dragon is the most expensive movie with the best special effects ever made. It cost 11.2 billion dollars and took 52 special effects artists 5 days to make it look like Chuck Norris lost the fight to Bruce Lee.
__________________
I'm a shark, the ground game is my ocean. And most people don't know how to swim. Oh yeah and I can knock you out too
Everything I know in life, I learned from watching the Fall Guy.
Styles: Western Boxing, Tai Chi, Animal Form Kung Fu, and Wing Chun
Posts: 1,981
Home Country:
Quote:
Originally Posted by SirokiFighter
ummm. ill ask question at risk of sounding like idiot? but who exactley is Chuck Norris?
American martial artist / movie star. Yeah he's a movie star that is actually a good martial artist. Was a champion kick boxer in the 70's. He starred in lots of movies and a TV show called Walker, Texas Ranger. He was the fighter the mob brought in to fight Bruce Lee in the movie set in Rome. Hope that helps.
Best Chuck Norris Jokes
American martial artist / movie star. Yeah he's a movie star that is actually a good martial artist. Was a champion kick boxer in the 70's. He starred in lots of movies and a TV show called Walker, Texas Ranger. He was the fighter the mob brought in to fight Bruce Lee in the movie set in Rome. Hope that helps.
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